She spoke of her yeast infection without the least inflection.
I suspect her unexpected election to share the fruits of her gyno’s inspection
Resulted from inadequate introspection on the pros of conversation deflection
Her openness to social detection and apparent lack of dejection
Might upon later reflection have garnered my affection
If the state of her general defection was no hazard to my genital’s erection
Sadly my ever-present circumspection demanded an effervescent firm rejection
To any chance of a sexual connection even if we used protection
I suggested that if a professional reinspection displayed a loss of her bacteria collection
It might possibly provide resurrection to the possibility of our physical intersection
Seems my argument selection definitely lacked perfection
Judging by her demand of my physical ejection via security throwing my body in the back alley direction
My current state of advanced abjection is due to landing on a metal fencing section
Thereby causing my prioritized predilection for an ASAP administered tetanus injection
Your party, as I recall, took place on a terrace
Holy balls! That shit might as well have been Paris
An occasion to commemorate your goodness, your existence, your 25th finished year of being
And as usual, all the best bits happened somehow while I was off peeing.
The lights went out before 11, but the party did not falter
For that lets all thank a security guard, whose name is not Walter
Thank goodness the girls set up some lights around the bar, to act as home base
And alongside that, that your smile continued to provide ambient light to the place
Peeps kept respectfully quietly rocking out to phat beats
Neighbouring tenants cast dark faces, if not yet cold slices of fine meats
I had a great conversation with a fine feminita in charge of all Faze
And thought to myself, if life were a fine frosted cake, she’d be my glaze
Next, shit got real and objects started to fall in a freak sort of shower
My recommended daily intake of Vitamin C was flying by, at 75 kilometers per hour!
Half a fruit hit my foot, and I supposedly, allegedly, not-provenly, but probably proceeded to cry
I deludedly remember Faze Magazine sweetly removing a token tear from my eye
For some reason, the other building tenants decided they could not bare us
And were throwing fruit profusely, until security finally safely removed us from the terrace
At some point during the confusion, Faze slipped away, and information was provided as thus
King Geordie Birthday Boy had stumbled, fallen and somehow rolled under… his own party bus
40′s were tipped, in mourning honour of all slain
Party had been reduced to just the hardcore… yep, once again
I got a bit hyper, started busting out mad Jay-Z lyrics to rest of the room
Some found it funny, others found it disturbing; worse than leaving the womb
I snuck quietly to the door, yelled Peace Out to the still-conscious and half-functioning party
Thereby removing evil smart-ass incarnate, your gathering’s personal Professor Moriarty
Author’s booze just kicked in, thereby allowing written evidence to get sappy
He hopes your guests gathering, glad times and good tidings made you happy
Maybe writing this dither puts me on some sorta All-Time Fool List
But of this guy’s five friends, you’re way cooler than the coolest
Happy…. Bithday…. Misterrrrr President…..
Happy Birthday….. Tooooooo….. Youuuuuuuu.
… and many more!
This is my first post since Kyle traveled back in time and summoned me to share the early years. Its an interesting concept, and he’s told me its been a real learning experience for him seeing what the early years were like. All that said, its an honor to be able to publish my works on this esteemed website alongside Kyle, Matt Sykes, a DJ that will probably never post anything again, an ex-girlfriends cat and some pervert named Richard.
I can’t believe my stupid teacher didn’t even notice that I wrote the date in wrong. Flash a woman a smile and she see’s whatever she wants. No nine year old should know that. Anyhow, the assignment on the board today was to write about your favorite people, no easy task when you aren’t allowed to talk about yourself (as I’d be warned about before). I was able to pick a few favorites however, friends and family alike, however I don’t think teacher liked the edits I made after she marked my work as ‘Great!’.
Remember when I sent you that text last night at 3am to tell you how much I’ve missed you? I need you to understand how much it meant to me to say that, because it almost didn’t send. I was in my basement and barely getting a whiff of signal, no 3G or anything, and that’s when I typed those words and hit send. I swear to god sometimes its fine down here, but then sometimes it can’t find a satellite worth shit. I think I read somewhere that the moon affects that, but whatever. Can’t do too much about the fucking moon! Anyhow, yeah I was like moving around with it and stuff and holding it higher to try to get a signal but the send icon just stayed on the screen and I was like fuuuuccckkkkk she’s never going to know how I really feel. Then it was weird I suddenly got four bars and BAM BAM I got two incoming texts from Danielle (who is actually still here, weird eh?) and yours sent through! Sorry that I suddenly stopped messaging you but that would have been kinda awkward when she was here, you know? LOL Anyways you seemed kind of cranky in those 11 texts you sent me after I stopped replying so if you want to meet at Starbucks or something later Twitter me. A’ight
PS you have cute toes!
PPS Nothing happened with Danielle K, she was just upset and wanted to crash
The first step on the path to highest realm of fashion
Is letting a webcam voyeur your unrestrained, uncensored passion
Because the sticky handshake of porn is all that is needed
For future careers of celebrities to be seeded
Men and media will not allow your fine name be forgotten
If they can download and watch your fine ass getting gotten
And if your status ever dwindles, you need have no fear
A route back on top is always so near
Fame will re-rise like a phoenix from the ashes
Once the paparazzi capture your “accidental” panty-free flashes
But as you are scandalizing the tabloids, getting annointed
I still can not figure out if it is you or us that is being exploited
Now that we have seen each team play at least once, its time to hit the refresh switch on our expectations for the 2010 World Cup. The top ten (which is all I shall post) hasn’t changed much, but the order and the power has shifted. Without further delay:
1. Germany – Unquestionably the best first round team. They played their new system (shockingly offensive for a German squad) to absolute perfection against an Australian squad that we can’t be certain isn’t terrible, down one man to boot. Still, the Socceroo’s made it to the final 16 in 2006, so they are a decent foe, and the Germans absolutely dominated them on all sides of the ball. Look for them to smash a confused looking Serbian squad on Friday.
2. Brazil – A dominant win over the Korea DPR squad that was not reflected in the final score. Don’t be fooled by a late push by the Koreans, this match was all Brazil. Their ball movement was superb, their offense perfectly spread, and for the first time in a long time they appear to have a defense. Maicon’s impressive opening goal is so far the highlight of the Tournament.
3. Argentina – Hard to ignore this mornings result, they will sail through the opening round. They’ve put together two incredibly strong performances thus far, and Gonzalo Higuain’s hat trick against the Korean’s couldn’t have come at a better time as he finally lived up to expectations on the grandest stage. Messi has been the best individual player in this tournament, living up to his billing.
4. Netherlands – Do not expect them to roll over a very quick Japanese team, but they should win this game outright. Had perhaps the most impressive (statistically speaking) qualifying run to get to the World Cup, albeit against some admittedly weak competition. They seem content playing within Bert van Marwijk’s system, and its an effective one. Teams with this level of cohesion are often the most dangerous.
5. Spain – I regret putting them here, as their loss was inexcusable. However they are just too talented to fall any lower. They will need to win outright and score goals in bunches for the next two games to re-establish their confidence and assure safe passage through the group stage. I cannot picture them beating any of the teams ranked above them, except perhaps the Argentinians.
6. Italy – A notoriously late starting Italian squad must play better if they hope to make it into the final 16. A deep bench and an experienced coach may not be enough to give them a reasonable shot at repeating, a feat not many anticipated coming in. They were dominant in the second half of the first game as they quickly found their pace, a pace that must continue for them to have a chance.
7. England – All the talent you could ask for, but they played below their means for the entire contest against a weak US squad. Perhaps there are too many ego’s on this team? They simply must score goals and dominate possession versus Algeria, if for no other reason than to prove to themselves that they can.
8. Ivory Coast – Its a tough go to have all of your hopes resting on one broken arm, but that is the exact situation this most-promising African team find themselves in. Drogba’s late appearance in their opening match infused an almost surreal amount of energy, and if his condition continues to improve, this could be a final eight squad.
9. Chile – South American teams were horribly underrated heading into this tournament, but La Roja has forced the world to stand up and pay attention.
10. Portugal – Too much talent to ignore, but a very undisciplined team. They have arguably the best player in the world flanking their offense, but he is also one of the most despised, and if Ronaldo spent more time playing football and less time flapping his arms at the referee’s (is he trying to fly off the pitch?) he would better serve his nation. Still, that strike from well outside the box that struck the post silenced one of the loudest stadium’s I’ve heard in football. A warning shot of what is to come?
This is exactly what the title says it is. Here are my thoughts for this week:
- The new Eminem CD is excellent and a much needed follow up to the most recent crap. Expect at least one more A- from this guy.
- Strasburg is the most exciting thing in sports since Lebron James. From time to time, professional athleteics need individual stories greater than the game itself.
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